My nipple is on Facebook.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
