and next time when you feel me up, do it right
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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