I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
