Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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