In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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