opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
