My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
