went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
