so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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