hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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