Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
