Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
