Whats the glycemic index on semen?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
