wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
