Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
