I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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