He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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