Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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