So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
