he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize