those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
this is an emotional support booty call
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
