so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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