Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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