...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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