Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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