so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
