She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
