I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
