He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
