Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize