3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
