shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
