She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
