week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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