i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
