dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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