Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
