She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
