Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
