i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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