btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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