he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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