chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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