I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
