i just had sex bonerless
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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