Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
