I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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