the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
