hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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