my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why are your pants in the freezer?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
