why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
