Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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