totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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