She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
