It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
