i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
