he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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