Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
