I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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