The best revenge is premature balding
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
