i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
