I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
