She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
