She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
