Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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