Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
