I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
