i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
