An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You don't make any sense
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