hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
